Weekend Kat Blogging: The Littlest Commis

That is Kat’s favorite new playplace: her very own kitchen.

It came about because of tea.

Which seems to make no sense, but wait–it does.

We drink a lot of Chinese tea in our house, and we drink it from Chinese and Japanese teacups, the ones that look like little stoneware tumblers–they have no handles like Western-style teacups.

And Kat LOVES tea.

So, she picked up the plastic top to her saline solution can, and turned it over, and pantomimed sipping from it and sticking her finger in it to “taste” the tea inside it. Yes, she initiated pretend play, using a found object to represent another object.

So, I found her a little plastic cup that was actually the smokestack from her little fishing boat tub toy, and that became her “teacup.” And she was thrilled.

Then, I gave her one of her plastic training spoons, and one of her melamine bowls, and she started stirring the spoon in the bowl, just as she has seen Morganna and I do hundreds of times, and then started “tasting” what was in the bowl. Then, she started feeding it to her stuffed animals, her Dad, myself and Cordelia. Basically, anyone who would sit still.

So, I decided to get her some dishes. I found a melamine set of toy dishes that were just her size, and added to them a few pieces I picked up at the Asian market, including a ladle and sauce plate. When we opened them up and gave them to her, her eyes lit up and she clapped her hands and instantly went to work cooking and sipping and pantomiming eating.

While we were in Charleston over this past week, the collection grew; there is a truly cool toy store in the mall, and we found a set of stainless steel pots and pans, and some wooden foods that includes breads, dairy, meat, and fruits and vegetables. When we got back to the hotel and opened them up, she was thrilled. Morganna and I taught her how to saute, and toss the fish in the pan, and she got it on the second try, and then she was making soup in the stockpot and giving everyone tastes. It was so cute!

Yesterday, a little wooden stovetop came–it folds up to be easily carried and you can store pots, pans and dishes inside it after it is folded. It is awesome, and she likes to fiddle with the dials, and put her pans on top of the burners and shake them around like she has watched me do so many times.

And today, the little tea kettle I found a few days ago on Amazon came. It is like our electric teakettle that we use every day, and which Kat is used to seeing and hearing us use. This one has realistic boiling sounds and when you tip it to “pour” it makes pouring gurgles. It is really, really cute, and once again, Kat took to it immediately.

Once again, her face lit up with excitement and she started “making tea” right away, and has been galumphing around the living room–and now the hotel room (we are back in Charleston), hugging it.

She started making cups of tea, and tasting them with her finger, and then began “drinking” them.

And then, she started feeding tea to all of her stuffed animals, and offered some to myself and Zak as well.

She is so cute with her kitchen toys. I even gave her a small stainless steel mixing bowl I had in my kitchen that I never use, and she acted like it was gold! She hugged it to her chest and galumphed over to her whisk, and started whisking away in the bowl, just like she has seen Zak, Morganna and I do hundreds of times before! All of those hours watching us work in the kitchen, when she would gaze so intently at us–she was learning–and now, she is putting what she knows from her mind in practice with her body. Her manual dexterity is growing by leaps and bounds and she is so happy with it!

She even has taken to offering tea to the cats, particularly her bestest friend, Cordelia, whom she calls simply, “Deeya.”

Of course, Cordelia isn’t sure what to make of invisible tea, but she politely sniffs the cup because it seems to be important to Kat.

Now, you know, I do wonder if I am causing Kat to embody social stereotypes by buying her kitchen toys and having her play with them.

But the truth is, she is modeling the behaviors she has seen all of us in the house do. Zak makes coffee and tea, and even scrambled eggs, and Morganna and I cook and bake all of the meals, and we all clean up. She has been to restaurants where she can watch the male chef at work, and she goes back into the kitchen at Salaam where usually Rich and Dennis are cooking, so, she has seen both men and women engaged in kitchen work and play.

Food and the making of it, the cooking of it, the selection of it–these have been part of her life since before she was born, and so it is only natural that she would want to play with kitchen toys. I don’t think it matters if she is a girl or not–if she were a boy, she would have been exposed to the same exact activities, and would have seen the same people doing the same things. (And, she watches Anthony Bourdain’s “No Reservations” with Morganna and I, so she has seen plenty of male chefs and cooks working in restaurant kitchens.)

And it isn’t as if we don’t have building toys for her, and little cars and a train that her stuffed animals ride in. (Actually, only Totoro and Melora the Monkey are allowed to ride in the locomotive–if you put any of her other critters in there, she gets quite huffy and takes them out and gives you quite a look.)

And when she is safe to have little toy tools like hammers and whatnot, we will get her some of those. I liked those as a kid, although my Grandpa did give me my own real little hammer, and used to give me scrap wood and real nails to play with when I was about five or six. Mom had a cow when she saw it, but he said, “Aw, now, hush, she’s fine, she’s got sense not to hurt herself with the damned thing. Look at her–I taught her good.” And he did–I never hurt myself or anyone else with them, except for smacking a finger or thumb now and again when I missed the nail. But that just made me learn better how to hit a nail squarely.

So I don’t think I am teaching her gender stereotypes. I mean, hell, is Anthony Bourdain womanly? I didn’t think so. Or, even better–Mario Batali–he learned to cook at home, and I will bet he played with pots and pans as a wee kid, too, and he really doesn’t seem very feminine to me.

Cooking is a skill, an art, and is something that I think everyone needs to know how to do, even if they only know a few things. And I would have any child of mine be competent in the kitchen, no matter if they were female or male. The fact that I just happened to have two girls is beside the point: they both have turned out to be interested in cooking, as a natural matter of course, because that is what they see me do.

That isn’t a bad thing at all–it is natural. Children learn what they are exposed to, so of course my girls love food and cooking.

Besides–I love having the littlest commis imaginable in my own house.

14 Comments »

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1. Brava, indeed. My brother and I both sat with Mom in the kitchen and watched her work (usually hustling for scraps), and both he and I learned to cook by watching at an early age. When he was 14 and I was 8, he would peel apples and prepare the filling while I made piecrust, resulting in triumphant pies made with apples from our yard. At 31 he wooed his new bride with home-cooked gourmet meals (though she is an excellent cook as well)! (At 26, I prefer to cook a romantic meal for my hubby than spend bug bucks on something I could make better).
   You’re not socially programming Kat for anything except a deep-seated love of great food and happy moments with the ones she loves!

   Comment by Tammy — February 8, 2008 #

2. Wow, until you brought up gender stereotyping, it hadn’t even occurred to me. You like food and cooking, she likes food and cooking. Simple as that.

   But here’s a “girl question”: Those pants she’s wearing in the first photo — do they make those in adult sizes? Because I want them.

   That’s also the nicest looking play stove I’ve ever seen. Very clever!

   Comment by Kitt — February 9, 2008 #

3. have been a lurker here…i loved playing with these things as a kid… infact i even have one set saved up for when i have my own children…. we called them kitchen sets and mom says we tried feeding anyone who sat still too!! love the pics…

   Comment by arundati — February 9, 2008 #

4. My girls have a toy kitchen and my elder daughter (the one who is old enough to stand on a stool) also “helps” me bake almost every day. I completely agree with all of your sentiments on this issue.

   I have a friend who shares the cooking totally (i.e., 50/50) with her husband so as to not allow any gender stereotypes in front of their baby–I find this a little sad because it is so obvious that they think of the cooking as a chore, whereas I think of it as a privilege that my husband has allowed me to become totally in charge of our kitchen. We share the clean-up. I would be sharing my love of cooking with my kids no matter their gender, but as with you I happened to have only gotten girls. And who knows, maybe #2 will hate baking!

   Kat is adorable, as always!

   Comment by Laura — February 9, 2008 #

5. I had a play kitchen, and watched my mother cook (she’s an excellent cook) and I didn’t finally learn to cook on my own until I was the ripe old age of 23 and 24, had graduated college and had a SO to feed. But now I love it. I feel like such a late bloomer. I imagine Kat will pick it up a bit sooner in your house… she’s so cute offering Cordelia tea!

   Comment by Lucy — February 9, 2008 #

6. For food toys, check out the brand HABA on Amazon. They are sized down for kids; I saw one comment that the tea things are small enough for kids to fit them in their smaller cups. My boss bought me the Middle Eastern town block set for my birthday, I can’t wait to set up a tableau at home.

   Comment by Amy — February 9, 2008 #

7. So cute! The whisk, measuring spoons, and various kitchen implements have always been Desmond’s favorite toys, but I now I think it’s about time he had his own play kitchen too.

   Comment by trina — February 9, 2008 #

8. Girls, boys….let them play with what they want - they’ll sort it all out! As long as they don’t have parents who tell them to get ‘girl’ jobs… (Yes, my mother actually told me that. You know, secretary, nurse, teacher… and no, I never gave it a moments thought!)

   Comment by katie — February 9, 2008 #

9. I’ve been lusting after your recipes for weeks now, so when I got tagged with a meme by Chile over at Chile Chews, you were on the top of my brain.

   If you need filler, the rules are on my site… if not, no worries. I’ll just go back to drooling over the food.

   Comment by Jenna — February 9, 2008 #

10. My partner’s children see him cooking regularly, and his son is more interested in cooking and food than his daughter (his favourite show is Jamie Oliver). I didn’t even think gender stereotyping when I read the first part of your post, I just thought ‘CUTE!’ Which it is. Kat is going to be quite the chef one day!

    Comment by Stephanie — February 9, 2008 #

11. When I was a kid - not much older than KAT - I used to make my own play kitchen from random things. I’d cook things up with legos, blocks, cups, anything I could find t recruit really. I used to consistently do two things before I was even able to read…build complex building structures (town squares, high-rises, etc), and pretend to cook.

    At my ripe old age of 43 I am an architect and my passion is cooking. Those things haven’t changed much.

    I think these pictures are precious!

    Comment by Diane — February 10, 2008 #

12. I think that she is just adorable. I had a tea set when I was a kid and I loved having tea parties but I doubt if I was as cute as your little girl. Gender sterotypes never entered my mind but with you and Zak teaching her, I doubt if she will have a problem as she grows up. It’s the people who won’t let their boys play with dolls or their girls play with hammers that end up with kids whose mental world is narrow.

    Comment by Nancy — February 10, 2008 #

13. She looks so intense and serious while at “play” in her kitchen. I think you will have another chef in your house soon.

    Comment by artcargirl — February 10, 2008 #

14. I think one of the best side effects of the “chef as celebrity” explosion is the increased visibility, outside the world of haute cuisine, of men in the kitchen. I taught summer school to five-year-olds a couple years ago, and despite the distressing numbers of gender stereotypes they’d already picked up (and would loudly enforce), every single one of them loved our cooking activities and nobody ever suggested that the boys shouldn’t participate. A lot of the kids didn’t even want to eat the final product, but they all squabbled over getting to help cook and serve.

    When I was little, my favorite toys were a set of little tart tins from my grandma, and a scaled-down set of real tools from my father. They’ve since been lost, but I use the big-size versions almost every day and I’m so glad I got both!

    Comment by Hannah Mae — February 11, 2008 #

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